Surrendering to the Unknown: Art and My Feelings 3

When I first saw Halraam Villa Wulffraat by Jacoba van Heemstreck, tears welled in my eyes. The light purples with blues so dark they swing indigo, all swirling together in a circular stained glass disk, remind me of the mystery of the unknown. The beauty and terror of diving into the mystery of life like a fish submerging itself and traveling to the depths of the ocean, can be felt from looking at this piece.

Naturally, this piece made me reflect on what it truly means to embrace the unknown. For several years, the unknown was something I tried to minimize, ignore, and eradicate at all times. I believed the unknown was dark, evil, harsh, and only existed to punish me. This belief stemmed from a traumatic period of my life steeped in my father’s death, a year of unemployment, followed by deep depression leading to illness. 

I was too afraid to close my eyes and aspire for things because all I could see was chaos and suffering. I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop because I deeply mistrusted the universe, the flow of time, and if I even had a place where I belonged in this world. I always felt like I was floating in space without light from the Sun to guide me. Life felt dark and deeply lonely. 

What pulled me out of this period wasn’t some miraculous light descending from heaven. Instead, it was fully embracing surrender and no longer fighting the flow. I decided to not try and find the solution to every problem, but instead, sit with the problem and observe it without judgment. I allowed my emotions to flow and rode the waves of my feelings from trough to trough. And as I sat, and allowed the waves of my emotions to subside, I found myself starting to enjoy the depths of the unknown. Instead of a scary place, it became my greatest ally and safest space.

So, close your eyes just for a moment and look at the back of your eyelids. You’ll be surprised at what you see.

Citations

https://www.wikiart.org/en/jacoba-van-heemskerck/halraam-villa-wulffraat-1920

PS: If you have any art recommendations, let me know in the comments below!